Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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