Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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