There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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