He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
