Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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