this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
