I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
