It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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