i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
