she looked like the before picture.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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