He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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