I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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