I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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