I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
