Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
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