i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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