pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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