we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
