I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
