yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
