I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
