Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
