If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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