some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
