Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
