We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
