A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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