Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Randomize
