why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
It's just like the Real World with babies
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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