census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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