Can Purell be used as lube?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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