Michael Bay diarrhea
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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