Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
you had me at cake vodka
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
