Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
