maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My bed smells like the plague
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
