he thought i was a dude.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
