I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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