Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize