I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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