i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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