It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
