I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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