Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
