I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
