you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
