just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
