What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it was like eating out sand paper
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
