I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
