She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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