ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
