a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
