her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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