2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
