Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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