The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
