he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize