Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
