My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
