11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
