when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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