we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Jerry, you need to find god
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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