Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
