Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
