i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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