stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
