Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
