I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she told me i tasted like america
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
