Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
