3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
