We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize