you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
