Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
