Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
